5 Calming Strategies Every Foster and Adoptive Parent Needs in Their Back Pocket

Your calm is contagious.

I used to believe if I just found the perfect parenting strategy, I could keep everything (and everyone) regulated in our home. I had all the TBRI tools memorized, could quote brain science research in my sleep, and had the sticker charts to prove it. But when the day unraveled- when tantrums, meltdowns, or trauma triggers took over- I found myself snapping, yelling, or just checking out.

The truth hit me hard: Regulation doesn’t start with our kids. It starts with us.

You can have all the “right” scripts and plans in the world, but if your nervous system is fried, it’s almost impossible to use them. As a foster and adoptive mama who’s lived this firsthand, I want to share 5 simple, powerful calming techniques that changed my parenting- and honestly, my whole life.

1. Exhale Longer Than You Inhale

This one is so simple it almost feels silly — but it’s backed by real science. When you make your exhales longer than your inhales (like breathing in for 4 counts, out for 6 counts), you activate your parasympathetic nervous system, flipping your body out of “fight-or-flight” and into “rest-and-digest.”

Do it for just one minute. You’ll be amazed at the difference.

2. Feel Your Feet

Trauma and stress yank us out of the present moment. A quick grounding technique is to literally feel your feet. Press them into the ground. Wiggle your toes. Notice the texture of the floor or your shoes. Silently remind yourself, “I am safe. My body is here.”

This tiny act can pull your brain out of chaos and into safety.

3. Use the 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Tool

When everything feels overwhelming, anchor yourself with your senses:

• 5 things you see
• 4 things you can touch
• 3 things you hear
• 2 things you smell
• 1 thing you can taste

This quick exercise helps reboot your system and keeps you from spiraling.

4. The Cold Water Trick

Need a fast reset? Splash cold water on your face or run your hands under cold water. It stimulates the vagus nerve, signaling to your body that it’s safe to calm down. (Bonus: it’s an easy hack when you can’t step away for a full break!)

5. Pray + Move

Some days I would whisper under my breath, “Lord, I need Your peace,” while pacing the hallway or stepping outside for 60 seconds. Combining prayer with physical movement moves the stress energy out of your body while inviting God’s Spirit to bring true peace.

Friend, here’s what I want you to know:

Your health- physically, mentally, spiritually- is part of your child’s healing.

When you calm yourself, you teach your child’s brain what safety feels like. When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to love and lead.

You are not failing because you need tools like this. You are WISE for learning them.

Take a deep breath. You’re doing holy work. And you don’t have to do it alone.

P.S. If you’re ready to take the next step in building a healthier, calmer home- for you and your kids-  check out my 6-Week Wellness Challenge! 💛 You don’t need a “new you”, you need a well you.